Midnight rambling

I know that I’ve been saying that I’ll try to update every month but updating is hard when school and drama gets in the way. I might post random pieces of creative writing and stories that I’ve worked on. To the people who still read my blog even if it’s been dead compared to 2013, I love you.

I’ve been getting into social justice, intersectional feminism, and exploring how my Chinese-ness meshes with being an American. I’m planning on minoring in East Asian Studies because I really don’t know much about Chinese culture despite being raised into it and speaking the language.

Because being part of the Chinese diaspora means being “othered.” In America, people notice my physical features and automatically assumed I’m an outsider, but at the same time, Mainland Chinese don’t really consider me to be “authentically Chinese.” I feel so disconnected because of this. Being called “Gwei Mei” because my speaking skills aren’t perfect while being hit with microaggressions because my “English is good for an Asian.”

Computer Science has been a thing I’ve been debating. I’ve been hit with so much sexism and racial comments that I’m doubting myself right now. Is this  worth all the pain to graduate with a CS degree and have to deal with these kinds of attitudes in the future? I am dealing with a heavy case of impostor syndrome and I don’t know if I can make it. I love writing code and I really enjoy it, but sometimes I want to give up.